The power of friendships

The nature of relationships is that they are defined by those that are in them.

When we are in a relationship with someone who we love spending time with, our life has an ease and flow to it. These are the relationships that support, are aligned with your values and vision, and allow you to show up as your authentic self. Sadly, we all have relationships that leave us feeling deflated, anxious and stressed. These are the relationships that make you tense up and that are misaligned to your values, vision, and purpose, and leave you feeling unseen, unheard, and unworthy.

Have you ever met up with a friend who is furious about something, and after five minutes, you feel the same anger that they do? This is called Emotional Contagion.

Discovered by Elaine Hatfield, a relationship science researcher, emotional contagion is, “the tendency to automatically mimic and synchronize expressions, vocalizations, postures, and movements with those of another person’s and consequently, to converge emotionally.”

According to research by social psychologist Dr. David McClelland of Harvard, your friends can determine as much as 95% of your success or failure in life, so maybe it’s time to proactively consider who you hang out with because the people you surround yourself with impact the way you see the world, the perspectives you hold, your behaviour, your beliefs, your actions and the way you feel about yourself.  

Emotional Contagion doesn’t only take place in real life, it also applies to online interactions. Our social media and news feeds have a huge impact on our emotional state and well-being, and how we show up in life. Many of us spend hours fantasising about our ideal romantic partner, but how many of us do the same with regard to the other relationships in our life?  

We get to choose who we want to surround ourselves with and this has a profound impact on the outcomes that we create for ourselves. The more that you can create an inner circle of individuals who empower you, inspire you, and remind you how great you are, the easier it will be for you to value yourself, honour your self-worth, stay focused on your goals, and grow towards the person you want to be.  

The pain of losing a friendship

When you truly get to know yourself, you may start to notice the relationships in your life that are no longer serving you. Unleashing your greatness may mean letting go of these relationships. From personal experience, I know that it is not easy to disentangle yourself and your life from such relationships, which is why self-compassion is hugely important as you begin to move away from any relationship that doesn’t fit the person you are becoming.  

Losing a friend can be particularly challenging because friendships are deeply personal. They are built on shared experiences, trust, and emotional connection. When that bond is broken, it can leave us questioning our own self-worth and wondering what went wrong.

Sarah had been a close friend of mine since senior school, but as the years passed, our paths diverged. I moved away, travelled the world, got married, divorced, and started a business, while Sarah stayed in Liverpool, married her childhood sweetheart, had 4 children, and became a stay-at-home-mum. We tried to maintain our friendship for many years, but the reality was that we had both grown and evolved in different ways, meaning we had less and less in common and leaving our catch-ups strained and uncomfortable.  

We didn’t formally terminate our friendship, we simply stopped calling and sending messages. I like to think that we let our friendship end with love and respect, but that didn’t stop me from feeling guilty and a deep sense of loss. I had to regularly remind myself that both of our needs and values had changed, so it was okay for us to want something different from our friendships. Letting my friendship with Sarah go, created space in my life for friends who were better aligned with who I was becoming.

The importance of affirming friendships

Affirming friendships are those that uplift you, support your growth, and help you navigate life. These are the friendships that bring out the best in you and encourage you to be your authentic self. Building and maintaining affirming friendships is crucial for your well-being and resilience.

To cultivate these types of relationships, it’s important to find people who share your values and who are supportive of your goals. It’s also essential to be a good friend in return. Like any relationship, friendships require nurturing - regularly check in, truly listen to your friends, offering support, and celebrating the successes of others.

Friendships are not just social connections; they are vital to your resilience and well-being. They shape your life in profound ways, influencing your decisions, behaviours, and how you see yourself. While the loss of friendships can be painful, it’s important to focus on building and maintaining affirming relationships that support your growth.

In the end, it’s the power of these connections that help you navigate life’s ups and downs, and live a happier, more fulfilling life.